White water rafting

People may think when you say to them, "I went white water rafting," that you are hard core and that you like, went down a waterfall in a canoe and wrestled a sea otter.

But as you can see from these pictures, the reality of white water rafting is that it's an enormous physical and emotional challenge compounded by beer consumption.

One problem is with people who fall into the raft and can't move their heads. There is about 2 inches of water in the bottom of the raft, making this a drowning hazard.

Like a spa with a canoe

I am going canoe camping in Quebec. My fellow canoe-camper thinks I bought too much food at the grocery store, but I did not come this far and overcome all those adversaries to starve in the woods in Quebec. OK?

Gendered borders, gendered boundaries

This is a picture of the U.S. -- Canadian border that I drove across a couple of weeks ago. When I got up to those toll booth things, (pictured) the Canadian border guard asked me some tough questions, which was a bit unnerving because, being guilty by nature, I already felt guilty and supicious even before the border guard third degree started. He was like, "Where are you going?" I said I was going to Montreal to visit my girlfriend who lives there.

Border guard: "Is this your first time in Montreal?"
Me: "Yes."
Border guard: "How long have you and your girlfriend been dating?"
Me: "Like five months."
Border guard: "You've been dating five months, and you haven't been to visit her yet?"

I guess they get a lot of hozzer-beast Americans going across the border to break the hearts of true and innocent Canadians, 'cause then he was like,

"Do you have anything in the car that's going to stay in Canada?" (which they always ask, but then he added) "such as a present, or flowers?"

So, next time in Canada, bring flowers.

Explanation of cat relationship

Some people have asked about the relationship between myself and the cat who lives with me. One person (and happy birthday to him!) was concerned that by describing this cat as "the cat who lives with me" I'm failing to respect her identity. She has a name, this person noted.

(She does--her name as far as I know is Lucy Bear Tigerpants Cat. She used to have an additional middle name (Fuzzybutt) but I think she's dropped that one due to the fact that the person who named her that turned out to be a cat-abandoning biatch. As you probably know, cats commonly carry the last name "Cat.")

I don't want to make it seem like the fur face doesn't have a name. But I can't call her "my pet cat" (as someone else suggested) because on ethical grounds I reject language that implies that I own Lucy Tigerpants. If any entity can be said to "own" Lucy, certainly it's Lucy herself. In line with this idea, I won't describe myself as her "mommy." I have no interest in being the "mommy" of any creature. But more importantly, Lucy Tigerpants already has a mother, and the relationship between myself and Lucy is not a maternal one.

Rather, Lucy and I form a cat-human partnership.

Office hour

I have to have at least one office hour per week for the class I am teaching. Not having an actual office, for the office hour I sit at the local coffee/pastry shop. After announcing like 20 times to my class that my "office hour" will be at the coffee shop, I realized that I was implying that the coffee shop was in fact my office. The next time I announced it, I muttered that my office hour will be at the coffee shop, "where I also sell delicious pastries." They thought that was funny. So now, whenever I announce the hour, I talk up the "delicious pastries" and "refreshing beverages" that "I also sell" at the coffee shop. But they don't laugh anymore. Weird, huh? 'Cause now I am getting really into this whole owning the coffee shop scam. I might start using "my" coffee shop as an example of things in European history, like how the Bolsheviks initially let the peasants own their own farms, just like I own "my" coffee shop. Though that doesn't make complete sense, because "my" coffee shop is a national chain.

More on cat witchcraft

This cat apparently does have witchcraft. Its witchcraft is to keep vampires away. This is clearly the case, according to the person who lives with this cat, because not a single vampire has been sighted in the vicinity of this cat, ever. Thanks to J.A. for this additional information about cat witchcraft.

Cat witchcraft

This cat probably has witchcraft. This is the cat that lives with me. I thought that her witchcraft was weak and ridiculous. In fact, I have never noticed anything supernatural that she did. All she does is bite my ankles and drink from the toilet as discussed. So far, no witchcraft. I haven't generally been worried about her cat witchcraft.

But then someone pointed out that maybe this cat makes her witchcraft seem weak and pathetic so that I won't be alarmed, but is at the same time putting spells on me.

I made her this toy out of the fan. See how pleased she seems?