Grandma and her sister both died this past year. Grandma was 95 and Rita was like 90. This is pretty sad, I miss those old ladies. This is my latest Grandma versus Rita story (they had been battling on and off, sister-style, their whole lives).
Background info
Grandma, a candy lover, had a particular fondness for chocolate turtles.
Grandma stopped driving when she was like 89; Rita kept driving till just before she died. Rita also liked candy. By the time of the turtle incident, Grandma almost never left her house. For her supply of candy, which she kept by the chair she spent most of her time in, she relied on gifts (unprompted; I never heard of Grandma requesting turtles, or anything) from visitors and from my aunt with whom she shared the house.
The turtle incident
Someone bought both Grandma and Rita each a half pound box of turtles (that's like 6 turtles). Grandma put hers into the stash in her room and ate them sparingly, occasionally out of brave and obligatory politeness offering one to a visitor (but visitors knew to decline the offer). Rita took her turtles home and apparently consumed them all, because one day she showed up to visit Grandma and said,
"Aren't you going to offer me one of your turtles?"
Grandma, an unfailingly respectable, devout and polite woman, said no. Insulted, Rita accused Grandma of being a bad hostess and left in a huff.
This incident prompted a debate (of course not including Grandma) on whether Grandma should have shared her turtles. Some people thought it wasn't worth fighting with Rita about.
But I thought that they were missing a crucial point: Rita could drive herself to get more turtles for herself. But Grandma was completely dependent on gifts of turtles from others. In the candy economy, Grandma, though the major consumer of candy in the family, was forced to rely on donations.
2 comments:
I am a little unclear on my rules of etiquette, so bear with me here. While your grandma was rude to not offer her sister a chocolate turtle, her sister was equally rude to have demanded it. And then she reached even further levels of rudeness when she complained to outside parties about the event (I am assuming, though perhaps there were witnesses -- which would also exacerbate her sister's rudeness).
Your point is also accurate and helps to ameliorate your grandma's rudeness. She didn't have much of a supply and they were very precious to her.
And then there's the aspect of familiarity. Your grandma had a vast experience of dealing with her sister. Who knows how many times over the years her sister had attempted to get more than her fair share by appealing to your grandma's generosity.
For real! Anyway, if someone breaches etiquette by asking for a turtle, isn't the whole interaction outside of politeness anyway, thus removing the obligation to give them a turtle?
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