Running with cows

Some stereotypes about cows are wrong. (Based on my experience running with cows.*)

Cows--the cows I run with**, that is--do not really like humans. They really, really do not want to be petted.

Some are aggressive. By "some" I mean, about half of them. And not only the "male cows"--are they actually bulls? I think someone did cut off their nuts. I hope they are not bulls, whatever that means, because I am running with them and I do not want to run with bulls at this point--also the female cows.

*Like swimming with dolphins!
**One of said cows pictured above. Actual photo taken while running.

Failure to befriend sheep

Alpine toe story

I enjoyed very much hiking in the Alps with CC and the occasional Ibex (or Chamois) (pictured)
despite dropping CC's laptop on my toe the night before we left for the hike. The toe (pictured), as Tom put it, saved the laptop "from certain smashtastrophe." Happily it turned out that the toe didn't hurt much once I soaked it in a bidé and strapped it into a hiking boot.

Cats?!: The Musical

This is a prototype song for our musical currently in development, "Cats?!: The Musical," which is about two women who fall in love and write a bilingual Broadway musical about cats.

This song, "Boîte au Chat/Cat Box," is from act one of the musical-within-a-musical, which purports to be a musical about the actual lives and concerns of real cats, rather than a romaticized and metaphorical treatment of cats on stage like some other musicals about cats.



We are in the process of recruiting backers to support the development of the musical. If you are interested, please get in touch.

New Animal Information

I am really busy right now trying to graduate, and also undergoing a psychological process that appears to be the result of the end of graduate school and entails a) my brain really not working well and me being confused a lot, and b) the receeding of the mean and paranoid part of my personality--but, BUT--I am not too busy to have discovered the world's largest rodent (average weight 100 lbs!) living a mile from my new apartment!

It lives in the little zoo in the park! I was running in the park and I saw some of them. They make lots of different noises, including whistling and snorting.

CC told her family about this and they suggested that non-Western people eat the world's largest rodent. I told my sister and she said she heard on the radio that when Europeans first saw the world's largest rodent in South America, they wrote to the Pope to ask him to identify it. They wrote a description of it, including that it swims. The Pope wrote back and identified that it was a fish.



Image courtsey of Home of the World's Largest Rodent. Person pictured is a trained zoo professional: do not attempt.

Important topic and discussion

Sometimes me and CC run out of things to say to each other, but I still want to talk to her, so I try to facilitate a good discussion on a new topic. Like the other night when we were in the grocery store:

Me: CC, there is something that I want to ask you.
CC: What?
Me: Do you think that crabs would do a good job if they were in charge of running a grocery store, instead of people being in charge?
CC: Yes.
Me: How do you think it would be different?
CC: Everything would be really low to the ground.
Me: Yeah, all the food would have to be on the floor.
CC: Mmm.
Me: Wow, and I bet there would be a lot of sand around.
CC: Yeah.
Me: No, I bet the whole floor would be made of sand! And the food would have to be displayed on the sand, so that the crabs could move it around. There would be wet sand everywhere when you walked in. I wonder if they would not be able to display as much merchandise as they do now? Maybe they would use little hand trucks to move the food, but move them with their claws?
CC: YSA? I love to talk to you about this very important topic, but I am very tired right now. Could we talk about this later?
Me: Sure, CC!

But you know what? It has been two days and we have not returned to this topic. What is that about? Do you think she doesn't really think it's important?

Renewed defense of muskrat-like dissertation

I feel like if people did not like the muskrat, that is their loss. Too bad, suckers!
The muskrat is indisputably awesome. It is a tenant of awesomeness.

Camel treachery

A few weeks ago, CC and me started seeing posters up all over town for an event at the children's library (theme: Aladdin) upcoming, at which, poster promised, the highlight would be (the following is a direct quotation):

"Desert snakes, bugs, falcons, and a REAL LIVE CAMEL! "

As you can imagine, we became very enthused about this event and planned to attend. In the weeks to come, we would talk frequently about the impending visit of A REAL CAMEL! to our town. We wondered, for example, what the camel was doing right then, whether it was anticipating visiting us, whether it wanted to come to our town, whether it was mistreated in its current location, what it ate, the difference between camels and dromedaries, etc. CC even told her family about this.

We had several conversations about this.

Then we forgot to attend (it was this Saturday and my dissertation is due tomorrow.)

(Scratch that, CC points out: in three hours.)

Anyway, we were very disappointed that we forgot to go see the camel. We spoke at length about this. Did the camel enjoy its visit? The children must have been so excited! How could we forget? Etc.

Then, this afternoon, CC saw the photograph below on the front page of the local paper.

(Phone call)

CC: I have information about the camel.
YSA: What? What?
CC: I saw a picture, and, I think it is not a camel. Rather, it is a human in a camel costume!
YSA: How can that be? They said a REAL LIVE CAMEL!

Dear reader, is this not a case of false advertising, and have those dear children not as a consequence lost all hope?

Special Announcement from Duck + Horse for America

Today, at this important moment in the primary season, Duck and Horse have a special message for America:

Horse is female.

(Though Duck is neuter.)

Please vote D + H for a strong, environmentally friendly and economically just America!

Duck + Horse for America Platform

Duck + Horse for America

A duck riding on a horse is once again running for president and this year, I am voting Duck plus Horse for America! They work as a team, for America.

A cat can cut your hair!

My idea is that a cat could cut your hair, or my hair. And that this would save money. And give cats something to do.

People say that everything has been done, thought of, and is the topic already of a website, but that is not true, I did a google search for my idea (thought of with help from Tom, or maybe by Tom, I can't remember) and it returns zero results because no one has yet thought of the following:
a) How appropriate it seems for cats to cut hair, or to sit on a girl's/boy's head and trim hair while the person goes about their day.
b) How much money I could save by training a cat to do this!

As discussed!

Bring on the bears

Small break from long story: Here is some advice circa 1992 for all you dissertation writers out there, from my 9th grade English teacher.

Ms. Best (Advising 9th grade English class about how to and how not to write an essay):

"Bring on the bears. If you're going to bring on the bears, bring on the bears. Don't bring on all the little dancing trolls first."

Loons!

Un-chatty loons on Lac Carriere that refused to make loon noises despite prompting.

Tiger vs. Great White Shark!!!

Some really loyal readers who were reading even before DY went on the air may remember the epic electoral contest TIGER VERSUS GREAT WHITE SHARK!! which was fought online to a tie vote. Today in class when one student pointed out an apparent shark fin (likely a rock, in reality) in a 18th C painting of Captain Cook getting whacked by Hawaiians, I got really excited and it was because I remembered TIGER VERSUS GREAT WHITE SHARK!!!

WHO WILL WIN???!! VOTE!!!!

Alligator golf--play along at home

What's the golf rule? You make the call!

Mom reported that she shot her lowest score ever this week, but--

Mom: Only problem - my ball landed near a HUGE gator! It was about 10 feet long and sleeping. I tiptoed over and picked up my ball and dropped it in a safe spot.

Reader: Was this legal???

[Later]

Me: Dad, do not let Mom golf so close to those alligators! Why doesn't she use her special extending thing for getting the ball out of the lake to pick it up when it's next to a gator?
Dad: [long pause.] That gator sure was big.
Me: [becoming increasingly alarmed] Woah, how close to it were you guys?
Dad: [long pause.] It was a big gator.
Me: Uhm, do those gators on your golf course ever eat people??
Dad: [Pause.] Well....I haven't heard of anyone getting eaten.

[Later--Mom appears to be asserting the applicable alligator golf rule]

Mom: I was at least 15 feet away from the gator, a safe distance. If my ball had been closer, I would have dropped a new ball a safe distance away from the gator. Gators have lots to eat on our golf course - birds, many, especially those migrating through.

[Later (sent in an additional e-mail with headline "Correction for Alligator Golf")]

Mom: Here is a correction about what the gators eat on our golf course - they eat ducks - Common Moor Hens, Coots, etc.

Reader: Do the alligators eat people?

Proof of lizards

Dude, totally note magestic lizard statue to the right. For real! I did not see Zwarte Piet yet. I forgot that the holiday occasion for the racialized anti-Santa is in the beginning of December. But I did find out that Holland does not equal the Netherlands. Tomorrow I may eat a chocolate covered waffle. Nice.

Lizards!

I am in Amsterdam and there are these statues of lizards all over this park near the apartment! Look, this is me and them together.

Why dogs hate Halloween

I am going this year as The Emotional Trama of Over-Education. (But to the archive, where instead of candy there's only old newspapers written in German.) Germans don't have Halloween aparently. The closest thing around here that I know of is the Purim party thrown by the local ex-pat Israelis last year, to which an Israeli friend of mine went as Hitler.

If I didn't want a cake made out of monkeys, I wouldn't say that I wanted a cake made out of monkeys, OK?

I know it is funny--oh so funny!--when I talk in German, but I am getting a little tired of my roommates laughing at me. On Sunday night, people were like, let's have dessert. And I happened to know that we had like 20 apples. So I said, let's make a cake out of apples!

Apfel (apple)
Affe (monkey)

I said "Apfel" not "Affe"! I did not say that we should make a cake out of monkeys. But everybody in the kitchen is rolling on the floor like it's the world's funniest joke.

Actually, I just looked up the correct spelling of both words for this post, and I realized, that "monkey" actually sounds nothing like "apple" in German. And I didn't say monkey! So now, I think they are just making fun of me for the fun of it.

One time, I did call an airplane a "flying train." But the word for "airplane" is one letter different from the (not existing) word for "flying train." In fact, until I was mocked about this, I thought airplanes were called flying trains in German.

I complined to Tom and he said that when this happens, I should "stick to my guns" like it wasn't a mistake, and I really said on purpose, "Hey guys, let's make a cake out of monkeys!"