The Bad and The Sad

The Bad is that my book manuscript keeps getting reviewed by academic publishers who eventually, after "reviewing" it for a very long time, do not publish it.

The Sad is that since October of 2011, when I sent out the first proposal, to today--almost two years--I have been going nuts because:

a) many people in the academic publishing industry will not return your calls and/or emails, even when they have had your manuscript under review for, oh, say, a year.

b) bad news keeps rolling in

This sucks also for everyone around me because they have to listen to me weep and rant about the above. They have to listen to that for, like, years.

Reader, this is my story:

After circulating the proposal to about twelve publishers, the majority of whom rejected it, I got word from several presses that wanted to review the full manuscript. I picked one and sent it to them.
This part took: three months. 


The manuscript sat on someone's desk at that press, despite what editorial staff claimed in their very infrequent replies to my many emails. In the meantime, I spent my research leave, which is supposed to be spent revising one's manuscript, doing other projects. 
This part took: seven months. 

The ms. finally went for review. The editor, whom I spent over a thousand dollars to meet in person at a far-away conference, told me that everything was going to be fine and that I shouldn't worry.
This part took: four months.

One positive review came back. I told the editor that I needed the process to speed up, because of tenure. The editor told me to take the book elsewhere because the process could not be sped up. I began to send the proposal out again.
This part took: three weeks.

As I circulated the proposal for a second time, I learned that one of the presses that initially wanted the ms.--a press that was a very likely home for the ms.--now, for reasons that had nothing to do with the ms. but everything to do with the fact that a year had elapsed, no longer wanted it. But a new press was interested; the series editor emailed me directly and asked to see the proposal. And a second new press wanted it, too! I sent the manuscript for review to both of these new presses (with the knowledge of the editors) and pulled it from the old one that had had it for a year.
This part took: two weeks. 

The one of the new presses quickly got two readers' reports! The series and acquisitions editors were enthusiastic!
This part took: two months. 

The editor at this press suddenly stopped returning my emails. Then s/he told me that the manuscript needed to go to the press's editorial board before I began revisions per the two readers' reports, because there was a concern that the book might not be a good fit in the series. But everyone--people at my work, me, friends--thought this was just a formality. And in the meantime, I did revisions per the two reports. These entailed traveling to Berlin to do additional research. Then, editorial board at this press axed the project because they felt that the book was not a good fit in the list (despite the series editor's enthusiasm). Meanwhile, the second new press that had the manuscript under review stopped returning my emails and did not respond to my phone calls. I was back to square one.
This part took: two months.

I freaked out and began to repeat things like, "Before, when the first press sat on it for more than a year and then dumped it, this was a scenario where someone would possibly not get tenure, but now, this is exactly the situation where someone does not get tenure" and "I want to lose my job. I want the manuscript to go unpublished. If my career is going to go down in flames, I want it to go down spectacularly and completely, like the Titanic, not two-bit and weird, like Anthony Wiener's mayoral candidacy." CC got me to calm down enough to send the proposal out again because, as she helped me realize, losing my job would be bad for our joint financial situation, and in the future I would like continue to buy things like lattes and new pants. I sent the proposal out, for a third time.
This part took: two weeks.

But then something that seems like it might be good happened. A press that had initially been interested in reviewing the ms. back in 2011 responded right away to the new round of proposals and asked to review the ms., and even offered an advance contract. And then they agreed to use the reader's reports that the previous press got. So I am back to square two. So that is really good, right?
This part took: one week.

So that might be good. I will have to wait and see. For sure something could go wrong!

Revealed yesterday

Revealed yesterday (unrelated):

The pope is gay.

Humans have an innate longing for fur.

Shoot

Shoot, I have to teach tomorrow. WTF? Why can't the summer just be, like, at all times?

And look, so I say this every Sept., I say it cause it's the damn truth: German unification is boooorrrrriiinnngggg.


German unification (1871!) is so boring, it's the kind of boring that you want to protect others from, even strangers. You know, like today I was thinking to myself: how I need a new bra, but I was like--hey, I just bought three bras in like, December--and then I was like--gee, what happened to those three bras? Oh, well, one got chewed up by the dryer....etc.

That information about my bras is so boring that I would not tell it to anyone, in order to not subject them to such a boring story. Except for CC. For some reason she is exempt from this and I told her about the bras. We were on a long drive, anyway, so maybe it was just nice to have something to talk about.

But I would not tell even CC about German unification. It is that boring.

The irony is that I have to tell people in my class tomorrow about it because basically, they are paying me to tell them about it, in violation of my own sense of human fellow-feeling.

Lying experiment: results!

So, to sum up the lying experiment, which I think only I find interesting: I did not lie that much during one week. At least, I did not lie that much given how I defined "lying."

(I recall that I had another lie that week that I hadn't reported. It was that I told my Dad that some of the many articles he had my Mom mail me had not yet arrived; in reality, they had arrived, but I had not read them.)

What does it all mean? Hmm, who knows? In practice, it likely means that I will hop on my high horse without qualms next time it prances by, and continue to trot around the paddock judging others. Maybe I should do the world more of a service and keep track of that behavior.

Sleep

CC and me are writing this post as joint authors. We talked about what we would write about and decided to write about sleep.

We chose this topic because sleep is good, and because we talk a lot about how much each of us likes to sleep and how hard it is to wake up. Really, it's how hard it is to wake up. I (YSA) talk a lot about that.

CC: Today I had to meet a student at 9 am, and I felt like 9 am was too early, especially for a Friday, but when I got there on time the student was already there editing his paper. This is the only student in danger of failing the class. I told him I was impressed with his dedication, and he responded that he feels that he has to use every minute of the day in order to succeed.

YSA: I don't feel like people really appreciate how hard it is to get out of bed. It (sleep) is like a drug. Like a drug! It does not matter what I resolve the night before when I go to bed or what I set the alarm for, or if I set two alarms, or if I pledge to CC that I will get up and not hit snooze for one hour. Nothing matters. When the sleep is happening, nothing else matters. I will hit snooze for two hours, or take the batteries out of the alarm clock, whatever.

CC: YSA is not exaggerating. She is never realistic about her waking-up goals and as a result constantly feels guilty. LIke, every morning, she wakes up and faces the day... already guilty. This is a problem for her, and as a consequence, for me, too.

YSA: That is so true!


CC: The guilt is contagious. I also feel guilty, even though I had no waking up goals to begin with! (I gave these up as soon as I became a grad student - or rather, chose this profession partially because it allows me to sleep in.)

[Side comment: CC: Is being a grad student a profession? YSA: Yes. CC: No.]

YSA, do you have any more comments?

YSA: No. Just that it is very hard to get up.

First staff meeting

I attended my very first staff meeting of faculty yesterday. There I discovered, when the doors of the august conference room had swung shut, the lights had dimmed, and all students had scurried away (except for the grad student rep) that: Yes, the staff are all lizard people.*

Yes, once again, I was unknowingly hired by lizard people.
Tom: How could that happen again?
Me: ???
Tom: You should really ask them at the interview, "Are you lizard people?"
Me: It's so awkward, you know?
Tom: Now you have to help them take over the world.
Me: They are starting by trying to get elected as the junior senator from Minnesota. I don't know how to begin to explain to them that that's just going to be very, very tricky.
Tom: The worst part for you is that they truly do not understand how the government works.

*This "lizard people" myth is used by, among other people, an anti semitic guy. This blog rejects racism and anti semitism. Refer to comments section.

How much is one less day of your labia itching like crazy worth to you, in dollars?

Ok, I know that you, sincerely appreciated reader, are not going to like this post, but my sense of justice compels me to describe the following. And it was either post or tell CC at length, and actually posting is probably better for my relationship.

When I was coming up many years previous, they made this anti yeast infection cream that you had to use for 7 days. It costed like 14. (It was expensive!)

Then they invented 3-day cream. Then, a super crystal-power option: 1-day ultra cream.

And, this being soul-less capitalism, they priced them incrementally. The 3-day cream is like 19$. And the 1-day nuclear treatment: a whopping 22$!

I feel this is unfair and unjust, the worst of capitalism: How much is it worth to you to have 4 fewer days of genital itching? What about 6 fewer days? Is it worth 8 dollars?? If you hunker down with cranberry juice for just 2 more days, you'll save 3$--yes, you'll net the cost of the juice!--or, uh, what the hell am I thinking?

No one should have to answer these questions.

Wanting to make nice food present

CC is coming to visit tomorrow. I am so happy about this! I want to make her a nice food present that she can eat when she arrives. But I cannot think of anything to make. It would have to be a dessert (she is arriving at night).

Problem: CC dessert favorites and YSA dessert favorites are opposite. CC likes what to me are fancy French-esque desserts. Like with fancy cheese in them. I like giant chocolate cake slices and apple pie.

Other problem: I know I should make CC's favorite dessert. But I don't want to eat CC's favorite dessert.

Is that wrong to want?

(Also, I don't know how to make CC's favorite dessert.)

Attempt not to creep girlfriend out too much

Thanks for the lovely feedback on the video.


To continue: I was mainly thinking that I am too cool to do all the touristy stuff in London, but then we got off the plane and I suddenly demanded to see Buckingham Palace, chiefly because of the fuzzy hats. Then I became somewhat obsessed with the fuzzy hats, perhaps alarming canoe counselor by describing plans to get the guard to come nearer so that we could pet the fuzzy hat, or to scale the wall in order to sneak up and pet the hat, wanting an entire suit of hat-fuzz, etc. Then I was like, man, I better shut up before I majorly creep out canoe counselor.

(See: it's us with the hat!)

In other news: I guess now I could write all about the sorrow and the pity of having to live in a far-off land basically for one's job, and to be parted from loved ones. Canoe counselor flew back to the U.S. this morning. This caused major bumming on my part. It sucks. I miss her. I miss all of you guys. I tried to cope with all this by drinking a grande latte. Also, by resolving to "Fulfill the 5 Year Plan in 4!" (More later.)