Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Safety Guide to Cougars


Research (thanks to Tom) has shown that cougars are far less likely to eat me than I'd previously thought. I learned that if I meet a cougar while frolicking through the wilds of British Columbia, there are important safety precautions to take: Do not approach the cougar. Remain calm. Wave a large stick over your head.

Sounds pretty simple, eh?

This bit was a little disheartening:

Cougars seem to be attracted to children, possibly because their high-pitched voices, small size, and erratic movements make it difficult for cougars to identify them as human and not prey.

Sadly, you could replace the word "children" with "Your Small American" in the above sentence and it would be a fair description. While in Canada, I'll try to cut down on my erratic movements.

3 comments:

Tom said...

But if you cut back on the erratic movements, you'll be easy prey for the alligators! I bet that all this cougar talk is just a smoke-screen from the alligator lobby. They're worried that everyone's going to figure out about the zig-zagging evasion method.

But waving a big stick over your head is a good idea.

Could-be-a-model said...

Do the British Columbians know that you've made their national animal a surly, growling cougar? Cause I don't think that's the image they're going for. Furthermore, it may be hard to convince the world that a British Canadian province is best represented by such a ferocious animal. I for one do not think of man-eating beasts when someone mentions British Canadians. Maybe a squirrel.

Tom's stick idea is a good one. Try it.

your small american said...

I agree about the stick: it's a good idea not only for fending off cougars, but for ridding yourself of unwanted interactions with people too. I am actually in British Columbia right now and I've learned that they're not British Canadians, they're multicultural. But you can get British high tea here. Oh, and so far I haven't been eaten by a cougar. But I did see some porpoises. They did not seem ferocious though.