Comments written on my dissertation

For the last three pages, you've been tearing this other person's dissertation apart, but here you are citing their evidence as proof of your own argument. Perhaps pick one or the other?

Here you write that newspaper readers sympathized with 'Man A' and not with 'Man B' because 'man a' was a respectable middle class bank clerk and 'Man B' was a homeless blackmailer. But have you considered whether newspaper readers also sympathized with 'Man A' because 'Man B' blackmailed him until 'Man A' killed himself, leaving behind a wife and child?


Here you've written that 'Cabaret Dancer A''s case shows that the police were tolerant of naked cabaret, because the police decided not to bring obscenity charges against her and she kept doing her show. Several pages later, in a small paragraph, you note that two years later, police did bring obscenity charges against 'Cabaret Dancer A', and she was tried, convicted, and fined. But you argue that "the fact that she was fined shows that her behavior was not prohibited--if fined, a person can still do the behavior they were fined for. They just have to pay a fine."--Is this the best example for this argument?