Mom reported that she shot her lowest score ever this week, but--
Mom: Only problem - my ball landed near a HUGE gator! It was about 10 feet long and sleeping. I tiptoed over and picked up my ball and dropped it in a safe spot.
Reader: Was this legal???
[Later]
Me: Dad, do not let Mom golf so close to those alligators! Why doesn't she use her special extending thing for getting the ball out of the lake to pick it up when it's next to a gator?
Dad: [long pause.] That gator sure was big.
Me: [becoming increasingly alarmed] Woah, how close to it were you guys?
Dad: [long pause.] It was a big gator.
Me: Uhm, do those gators on your golf course ever eat people??
Dad: [Pause.] Well....I haven't heard of anyone getting eaten.
[Later--Mom appears to be asserting the applicable alligator golf rule]
Mom: I was at least 15 feet away from the gator, a safe distance. If my ball had been closer, I would have dropped a new ball a safe distance away from the gator. Gators have lots to eat on our golf course - birds, many, especially those migrating through.
[Later (sent in an additional e-mail with headline "Correction for Alligator Golf")]
Mom: Here is a correction about what the gators eat on our golf course - they eat ducks - Common Moor Hens, Coots, etc.
Reader: Do the alligators eat people?
8 comments:
Eh, this fear of gators is totally unfounded. When I was a child, they used to come and play in our backyard.
I must, however, point out how your strategy of avoiding unpleasant questions by subtly answering different ones is remarkable similar to your father's.
Really?
Goats eat people.
Q1: was this legal
I believe that if the ball lies on the course but is placed in such a way that playing the ball might endanger the golfer, you may move the ball to the nearest safe point without penalty.
Q2: do alligators attack people?
I think this documentary footage speaks for itself.
Q3: do goats eat people?
I'm pretty sure goats are vegetarians. On the other hand, they can be violent.
And it's even a German goat. "These two animals have a small problem..."
Look, this golf rule seems to hinge on deciding whether the animal is "dangerous" and what a "safe distance" is--it's basically an invitation to drop your ball anywhere. Like, if there's a GOAT on the course.
That was a very good representation of a goat "Tom". Also, I am not surprised that the goat did not proceed to eat the dog because I did not say that goats eat dogs. I said goats eat people. That dog deserved exactly wha the deserved. Don't F&%$ with the goat.
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