Today, I had a big win as a girlfriend: My girlfriend came upon me at a reception happily and nonchalantly eating the vegetable plate that said girlfriend had brought to the reception. "These are great vegetables," I said. She seemed pleased.
But then, a big loss: I chickened out on her invitation to have dinner with her family, telling her that I had already met them once and hadn't made a fool of myself, and that I thought therefore that I ought to rest on my laurels.
I think these two incidents cancel each other out, and that today there was no net gain in girlfriend points.
10 comments:
Congratulations! Now that you've proven your adeptness at trumpeting every trivial thing that you don't happen to screw up, not to mention your amazing dexterity when it comes to glossing over major problems; your invitation to join the Bush Administration is surely in the mail! The only thing I'd suggest is that you work on perfecting your scapegoating and buck-passing. For instance, rather than admit that you "chickened out on her invitation to have dinner with her family", had you considered blaming Tom? A simple, "Oh, I'd love to, but I already promised Tom..., etc., etc., whatever, fill in the blank, some bullshit!" This elegant approach not only passes the buck, it actually passes the buck to a scapegoat! If you can only master these simple skills then I think everyone will be amazed at how quickly you rocket up the ranks over at the old Executive Mansion. Watch your back, Cheney!
Naturally, my previous post was meant purely in jest. I would never advocate scapegoating Tom. What I meant to say was, "had you considered blaming Could-Be-A-Model?". I think we all agree that this is the only real way to go. Sorry, apologies all around, this has kind of gotten out of hand. All I really wanted to do was point out to YSA that your girlfriend is probably using the Canadian Girlfriending Scale on which "Voicing approval for girlfriend's vegetable plate" is only worth about 5 points, while "Blowing off dinner with girlfriend's parents" is minus 25 points. So, by my calculations, you're actually about 20 girlfriend points in the hole after Sunday's escapades. Just thought you'd want to know. Okay, I'm off to spread cheer to some other corner of the blog-o-verse.
*Righteous Indignation*
I propose a ban on all myspace members from posting on our nascent blogging community. Some of us (cough YSA cough) may vaccuum a couch, but surely collectively we can class up this sphere higher than the level of 13 year old teeny-boppers.
I would like to join in the hating on Myspace. I remember in the earliest days of internet how we kids would ridicule those poor saps on AOL. They were such absolute tools.
But, the internet has grown, and with it has developed a whole new genre of lame internet users: Myspace.com users.
Sigh... no matter how pithy and ironic your song choice is, the odds that someone browsing the web wants to hear it are extremely minimal.
also, CBAM seems to be in a very angry mood lately. anyone know why?
I think it's because, deep down, she knows that she really IS responsible for YSA's abrupt loss of girlfriend points.
But, in any case, time to get down to business. I couldn't agree more about these pathetic myspace users! Who do they think they are?! Waltzing in here with their noses in the air! Pah! I say. Them and their stupid profile songs! Okay, I get it, you managed to find Tag Team's myspace page. Awesome. Now how do I turn "Whoomp! There It Is" off? They sicken me, they really do, if it was up to me, I'd round up the whole lot of them and put them in camps.
Wait, were you guys talking about me? Ummm, hold on a sec...
Disregard all of that up there, what I meant to say is, *Kum Bye Ya, my Lord, Kum Bye Ya. Kum Bye Ya, my Lord, Kum Bye Ya* I think that's much nicer. And isn't there room on the internet for everyone? Myspace users as well as... whatever the hell it is you guys use? I think so, yeah! I'm getting kind of siked about this new age of comity and good will. And to think that it's all because of me! Awesome. It's like a brand new Era of Good Feelings.
Well, I think we've all grown a lot here, and I'm looking forward to seeing you all out on the dance floor, where no one's going to be looking to "serve" anyone, we're just all going to have a good time. And isn't that all anyone wants, really? Peace.
Reasons why CBAM is peeved of late:
1) She has to spend the week away from her baby which always makes her sad
2) Said week is being spent in Baltimore
3) Apparently in Baltimore, one cannot get a plain iced tea. One can only get a iced tea chai latte. CBAM does not like those, especially when she is craving an iced tea.
4) Reason for being in Baltimore is to do archival research.
And Tom, your Yogurt Wars was totally deserving of the snarkinest mockery imaginable. And that's a totally impartial, objective statement. But I feel we can overcome our differences and ban together in the banning of the lose Myspace people. And what is this song you people keep talking about? Is it the song I immediately mute my computer for whenever it comes on?
Ah Baltimore. I don't want to hate on Baltimore. It's just one more place people live. And though for the life of me I can't understand how they convinced so many people to live in such a crappy place, I don't think it's right to ridicule it.
CBAM, I am sure you could get a real iced-tea in Baltimore. If you weren't in Starbucks, that is. There are other stores & restaurants in the world, you know.
Your affinity to your cat is inspiring.
Oddly enough, I was not in a Starbucks. In fact, I have not seen a single Starbucks. This wouldn't be that bad, if it were not for the fact that there seems to also be NO DUNKIN DONUTS IN ALL OF BALTIMORE!!! The true test of culture and civilization, of course, of any metropolis is their ratio of DD to square miles. I hate Baltimore.
And in response to Myspace User Who Does Not Exist, I have nothing to do with YSA's gf points. As YSA knows, I do what I can to avoid her gf-o-mancy.
I agree that dinner with parents is worth like 100 points, while appreciating salad is worth like 5 points (or, in my case, 10). I mean, its obvious, huh? I suck. That was my point.
And, I did find kid showbusiness´s myspace page, but I cant read his blog! Which is a drag.
And, I think CBAM is in another dimension, not in Baltimore, cause I know they have Dunkin Donuts in Baltimore. When you write "Baltimore" you dont mean "Patagonia" do you?
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